12/29/2008

Resentment vs. Forgiveness

"I'll never forgive Gary for what he did to me. He doesn't deserve my forgiveness," Carolyn told me in one of our early phone sessions. Carolyn's focus was on whether or not Gary deserved to be forgiven, rather than on whether or not it was loving to her to forgive or to continue holding resentment....
%26quot;I'll never forgive Gary for what he did to me. He doesn't deserve my forgiveness,%26quot; Carolyn told me in one of our early phone sessions. Carolyn's focus was on whether or not Gary deserved to be forgiven, rather than on whether or not it was loving to her to forgive or to continue holding resentment.

Take a moment to tune into how you feel when you choose to hold on to blame. Do you feel happy, open, peaceful, and joyous, or do you feel angry, tense, closed, and unhappy?

What Carolyn didn't realize is that forgiving someone is not about them. It is about taking loving care of ourselves by releasing ourselves from resentment and blame. It is about moving out of being a victim of others' choices and taking responsibility for our own feelings of wellbeing.

%26quot;But what Gary did was unforgivable,%26quot; Carolyn told me.






%26quot;How can I forgive him for cheating on me and ruining our marriage. How can I forgive him for leaving me for a younger woman, for breaking up our family, and for the pain he has caused our children? What he did hurt so many people. Why should I forgive him for it? Wouldn't that be the same as condoning his behavior?%26quot;

This is a common misconception - that forgiveness is the same as condoning.

I remember reading about a woman whose adolescent son got shot and killed by another adolescent boy. While this mother was heartbroken and never condoned what the other boy did, she not only forgave him, she got to know him and helped him to heal the pain that led to his shooting her son.

It is not loving to ourselves to condone others' unloving behavior, nor is it loving to ourselves to continue to hold negative feelings in our body.
The energy of resentment and blame brings down our frequency, making it impossible to connect with our Guidance.
Resentment is like a poison that continues to feed upon it self, creating more and more darkness.

%26quot;Carolyn, what are you afraid of if you let go of your resentment and forgive Gary for what he did?%26quot;
%26quot;I'm afraid he will think that what he did is okay.%26quot;
%26quot;At this point, why are you concerned with what he thinks? What difference does it make to your life right now what he thinks?%26quot;
%26quot;I just don't want him to think that he can just act like this and get away with it.%26quot;
%26quot;So you are punishing him by holding blame and resentment within yourself?%26quot;
%26quot;Yeah, I guess I am. He should be punished.%26quot;
%26quot;And who do you think is suffering as a result of your punishing him?%26quot;
%26quot;Well, certainly not him! He is having the time of his life!%26quot;
%26quot;Are you suffering as a result of focusing on punishing him instead of taking loving care of yourself?%26quot;
%26quot;Well, I am miserable. But I'm miserable because of what he did to me.%26quot;
%26quot;I know that is what you believe, but the truth is that you are miserable because you are focusing on punishing him rather than on taking loving care of yourself. You are being a victim, blaming him for your feelings. Your feelings are being caused by what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself - not by anything Gary has done. From what you told me in our last session, you weren't any happier before Gary left than you are now. You were always making him responsible for you and he never did it right enough for you. As long as you have your eyes on him instead of on taking loving care of yourself, you will feel miserable.%26quot;
%26quot;I'm tired of being miserable. That's why I called you. But I don't know how to forgive him.%26quot;

%26quot;Carolyn, forgiveness is a natural outcome of taking loving care of yourself. As you practice self-care and learn how to take responsibility for your own pain and joy, you will stop blaming Gary for your feelings.

The more you learn how to love the beautiful essence that is within you, the more you will find yourself forgiving Gary.%26quot;

Resentment towards others is a clear sign that we are not taking care of ourselves. As you shift your intent from blaming others to loving yourself, you will find that forgiveness follows naturally.

Read More...

Osteoporosis Can Strike at Thirty

It is generally thought that osteoporosis occurs as a disease in older people. However, it can in actual fact strike at any age. There is a risk for millions of people. The disease is associated with women, but as a matter of fact, men also suffer from the condition.It true however, that women are f...
It is generally thought that osteoporosis occurs as a disease in older people. However, it can in actual fact strike at any age.




There is a risk for millions of people. The disease is associated with women, but as a matter of fact, men also suffer from the condition. It true however, that women are four times more likely to develop osteoporosis than men.




Osteoporosis is a disease whereby the bones become fragile and brittle, which leads to a high risk of breakages or cracking of the bones.




Osteoporosis can affect any bone. However the most common areas are the hip bones, spine, ribs, pelvis, upper arms and wrists.




There are generally no warning signs, symptoms or pain to indicate that an individual has osteoporosis, until the fracture occurs. These fractures can occur with a simple bump, strain or minor fall. It is for this reason that osteoporosis is very often referred to as the %26ldquo;silent disease%26rdquo;.




Changes in posture can be developed due to osteoporosis, such as a stoop in the back, weakness of the muscles, loss of height and bone deformity of the spine.





Such fractures can lead to severe pain, disability, loss of independence and in serious cases, premature death.




An osteoporosis fracture is something that will be suffered by one in every two Caucasian women, and one in every eight men over the age of fifty years at some time in their remaining lifetime.




For women, in the first 5 to 7 years after menopause, it is possible to lose up to 20% of bone mass, which increases their chance of developing the disease.




The occurrence of osteoporosis happens when bones lose vital minerals, such as calcium, quicker than they can be replaced by the body, which leads to the loss of bone thickness. Due to this, the bones become thinner and lose their density. Therefore fractures can occur when having the slightest bump or accident.




Some of the other factors also include:








  • Having a thin or small frame,






  • Anorexia nervosa,






  • Advanced age,






  • Post menopause, including early or induced menopause,






  • A family history of the disease,






  • Low testosterone in men,






  • Sedentary lifestyle,






  • Smoking,






  • The excessive consumption of alcohol.








Prevention




Osteoporosis is something which you are never to young to prepare yourself for.




The best foundation for prevention in later years is by building strong bones from early childhood and the teen years.




By the age of twenty, an average woman will have acquired 98% of her skeletal mass.




There are three fundamental steps that a person should begin to take at any age, in order to minimize the chances of developing osteoporosis.




The first step, and the most important, is to increase the intake of calcium. It is necessary for most individuals to have an intake of 1,000 to 1,300 mgs of calcium on a daily basis in order to build and maintain healthy bones. There are many different sources of calcium, including calcium supplements. The intake of calcium should also be combined with Vitamin D. This assists the body in absorbing and retaining calcium. Again, there are many different sources of this valuable nutrient available.




Second, it is essential to lead a healthy lifestyle, with no heavy alcohol consumption and no smoking.




And third, regular exercise should be undertaken. Studies show that physical activity can greatly help to prevent osteoporosis. The body will benefit from exercise such as jogging, hiking, swimming, racquet sports and even weight lifting. However, for those individuals that are advancing in years, it is advised to seek medical advice on the size of weights and intensity of the exercise routines, as there is a danger of over doing it, which may result in fractures, if the disease is already present in the body.




According to medical experts, bone mass can be increased by as much as 20% in women by the age of thirty, if following a balanced diet and regular exercise routines.




Measurements of bone density can be taken in various parts of the body without any pain, discomfort or invasive procedure. These tests will establish an individuals%26rsquo; rate of bone density loss and monitor the effects on a regular basis, as well as detecting the disease before experiencing a related fracture.




If an individual assumes that they have osteoporosis, then it is advised to consult a medical advisor and request a bone density test.




Read More...

Resistance to Receiving Love

Have you ever had the experience of sharing your kindness with someone - just for the joy of it with no intent to control - and the other person didn't receive it as kindness?Just because we offer love or kindness doesn't mean that the other person will receive it. We do not control another's intent...

Have you ever had the experience of sharing your kindness with someone - just for the joy of it with no intent to control - and the other person didn't receive it as kindness?

Just because we offer love or kindness doesn't mean that the other person will receive it. We do not control another's intent, so just because we are open-hearted, doesn't mean that the other person will be open-hearted. When someone doesn%26rsquo;t receive your positive energy with his or her own positive energy, this may be a wonderful opportunity for learning. If you do not take the other person's resistance personally, then you can stay open and ask the other person about their reaction in a kind way.

One of my readers asked me to write an article on this subject, stating that: %26quot;%26hellip;you say something positive to someone about them and you feel and know from your loving Adult that your intent is to be giving and not to control and they have trouble accepting that, maybe because of their past experiences with other people.





I have had this happen and my loving Adult recognized that my intent was to be kind without expecting anything in return. (My personal philosophy is that you give positive things from your joy without expectation just because it is fun and feels good. It is a %26quot;gift%26quot; to share your joy without expecting anything in return. It is part of my essence). I remained open and asked the other person about their reaction in a kind way and it became a learning moment for both of us.%26quot;

Learning moments are wonderful!

For an interaction to be a learning moment, both people need to be open to learning.

Even if you stay open to learning when someone doesn't receive your kindness, the other person may not open to learning with you. As much as we all want to believe that if we are loving and kind, others will be loving and kind, this is not the case. Our intent does not determine another's intent. While we might influence a closed person to be open with our own kindness, that person might still choose to remain closed. When this is the case, we cannot learn with each other.

If you have difficulty receiving others' love and kindness, there must be a very good reason for it.
What has happened in your past that led to a lack of trust of others' kindness? Did your parents give with strings attached? In my background, my mother gave with big strings attached, while my father gave freely. I become like my father, loving to give, but not trusting that others were giving from the heart. Before Inner Bonding, I assumed that most other people were like my mother and would attempt to extract something from me as a result of their giving. Not having a loving Adult to take care of me when others wanted something from me, and not wanting to be indebted to them, I had trouble receiving their love or kindness. As I developed my loving Adult, I developed my ability to discern the difference in energy between someone giving from the heart and someone giving to get. I also developed the ability to say no to someone's expectations of reciprocity. I now receive others' love and kindness graciously and give when it brings me joy to do so.

I no longer feel that I %26quot;owe%26quot; anything when I receive others' kindness. I know that if they are giving from the heart, they are receiving in the giving, and if they aren't, they will feel upset - but that it is their issue, not mine!





Read More...

Understanding Botox® Cosmetic

No one's skin escapes the effects of aging. The years are bestowing fine lines on your face, and you may have begun to wonder what BOTOX ® Cosmetic is like. The BOTOX ® Cosmetic treatment for the relief of frown lines and crow's feet has become extremely popular since its approval in 2002 by...
No one's skin escapes the effects of aging. The years are bestowing fine lines on your face, and you may have begun to wonder what BOTOX %26reg; Cosmetic is like. The BOTOX %26reg; Cosmetic treatment for the relief of frown lines and crow's feet has become extremely popular since its approval in 2002 by the Federal Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Because BOTOX %26reg; is a medical, albeit non-surgical, treatment, you should weigh its benefits and possible problems before rushing out to get a treatment.

To briefly explain BOTOX %26reg;, it is a protein derived from the bacteria Clostridium botulinum. Very small amounts of this protein are injected into the muscle tissue beneath the skin on your forehead, between your brows, and near your eyes.





BOTOX %26reg; paralyzes these small facial muscles and causes the fine wrinkles to diminish within a couple days. The effect is temporary and lasts for approximately four months.



When applied appropriately and under the correct medical supervision, the risks of using BOTOX %26reg; are minimal. The problems generally go away after a few days.



Problems experienced by people receiving a BOTOX %26reg; treatment include:





  • Headache soon after treatment


  • Respiratory infection


  • Flu syndrome


  • Forehead and/or eyelid drooping


  • Nausea





The side effects listed above are short term. Other problems at the site of injection can occur in some people. These injection site difficulties include:





  • Pain (often treated with a topical anesthetic)


  • Redness and swelling


  • Bruising


  • Bleeding


  • Numbness


  • Muscle weakness





The chance of these uncomfortable problems can be reduced by making sure you do not rub the injection sites and by having a skilled medical professional administer the treatment. It is important to note that if you have allergies to egg products, then you may react negatively to a BOTOX %26reg; treatment. Discussing your medical background and health with a physician is the best way to determine if you are an appropriate candidate for BOTOX %26reg;.



The benefits of BOTOX %26reg; are why it is so popular and you have probably heard about it. The treatment has proven to be very effective for most people, who enjoy the reduction of fine lines between their brows and on their foreheads. Although the treatment only remains effective for about four months, you can repeat treatment when necessary.



Benefits of BOTOX %26reg; Cosmetic treatments:







  • Fast application %26ndash; A treatment typically only takes 10 or 15 minutes.


  • Affordable, especially when compared to facelift surgery.


  • Non-surgical. The treatment only consists of small injections.


  • No down time from work or play.





T
he development of BOTOX %26reg; for the temporary reduction of frown lines and crow's feet has allowed many people to revisit the faces of their youth. Whether an indulgence for a special occasion or part of an ongoing beauty regimen, BOTOX %26reg; is an attractive option for many people.





Read More...